


Relief

by awkward_tumbleweed



Series: About Trevelyan: Commander Cullen Rutherford [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Awkward Cullen, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Pre-Relationship, Rogue Trevelyan - Freeform, Romance, Squint to see Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-07 05:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkward_tumbleweed/pseuds/awkward_tumbleweed
Summary: In which Commander Cullen Rutherford discovers that even Herald's of Andraste need some time to themselves.





	Relief

The Herald was missing.

It wasn't for sure yet, but that didn't stop the panic from settling in Cullen's stomach like an anchor. He checked with Josephine, with Vivien, Solas, Dorian (the Tevinter was staying with them until they attack Alexius), Sera, Varric, Bull, Blackwall, Cassandra, hell, even with the cook (a wooden spoon was thrown his way with frightening precision and was scolded for entering the kitchens before dinner).

He was on the verge of gathering the Inquisition forces and order a Thedas-wide search when he stumbled across Leliana (she wasn't in her tent when he checked so he wasn't able to ask the Spy Master if she had seen Emma). She commented on his panicked disposition, and he quietly relayed his concerns, not wanting to alarm anybody else (he didn't need another person stressing when he was doing a fine job at that already).

And she giggled.

But she was quick to cover it up with a discreet cough then told him that the Herald was fine. "She's in Taigen's old cottage."

Cullen felt like he could breathe again, yet confusion replaced anxiety. "What is she doing there?"

Leliana only smiled that mysterious smile of hers, and without another word, left him for her tent. So, what was a confused commander to do? He started heading for the cottage. He knew exactly where it was because of when he had the men scout the area upon arriving at Haven.

When he reached the clearing to the cottage, he took note of the smoke rising out the chimney, and the flickering of candle light seeping through the windows. Trevelyan seemed to have made herself at home. His brows furrowed further. Did she not like her room in Haven? He knew for a fact Josephine had made it as comfortable as possible with their resources. He shook himself out of his thoughts, deciding that he wouldn't get any answers if he just stood around the front door.

Just as he was about to knock, footsteps coming from one side of the cottage started drawing nearer, and Cullen's hand immediately went to the sword at his hip. He stuck close to the cottage wall, and made sure his feet made as little noise as possible. Whoever was coming obviously wasn't trying to hide their approach if their stomping through the snow was anything to go by.

He braced himself for the worst, and as the footsteps rounded the corner, he drew his sword halfway, and froze.

Trevelyan stared at him with wide silver eyes, looking as shocked as he felt like, but for different reasons. He could only imagine what type of image he painted; body rigid with deadly intent, face set in stone and sword ready to kill the Herald of Andraste. Yes, he could see why she was shocked. His shock, however, wasn't just from realizing he was this close to striking down their saviour, and the woman he was coming to care for, but also from the large ram that she was carrying across her shoulders.

"Maker's breath, Herald!" He slid his sword back into it's scabbard, then quickly took the ram from her. "What are doing out here?"

She just stood there, still looking shocked. "Cullen..."

"Herald?"

Trevelyan shook her head, then blinked. "Uh, nothing. Sorry. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," he said, one brow raising quizzically.

She shifted on her feet a little, then shrugged as she avoided his gaze. "I just...I was...thinking, I guess, about...things."

He honestly couldn't stop the way one side of his mouth twitched up in amusement even he wanted to. Emma Fae Trevelyan rarely ever stumbled on her words. She always seemed to know what to say, when to say it, and how. He can count on one hand how many times he had witnessed her struggling to say anything, and without using up all five fingers.

"You're laughing." Her tone was dry, and her face scrunched up in a frown.

Cullen shook his head, aware of how ridiculous he must look, smirking in full armor with a ram dangling from it's hooves in his hands. "I am not, Lady Trevelyan."

"Outwardly, no. But I can see it in your eyes, commander." She sniffed, and for a moment he caught a glimpse of her noble upbringing. "Eyes never lie."

This time he chuckled, but he shook his head as well. Both in surrender and incredulity. "It would seem there is no winning with you, Herald. So I will stop denying your false claims." She opened her mouth to defend herself, no doubt, but he didn't let her. He lifted the ram a little higher and gave it a small shake. "What do you wish to do with this?"

"Oh. I was going to skin it, cut it up and give some of it to cook," she answered. "Could you put it down right there?"

He looked over to where she had pointed at; a stump that had obviously been used to cut firewood. But it had been cleared. He nodded and placed the ram on it. Cullen stepped back as she came forward and took out one of her smaller blades. It looked sharp from where he was standing, deadly sharp.

"I let him bleed out last night, so it should be somewhat smooth sailing from here on out," Trevelyan said, her gaze on the ram as she brought the blade to the slit on it's throat. She started cutting, but continued to talk. "It's quite amazing what you learn when you travel. Never thought I'd need to know how to skin and cut up a ram, but apparently I did."

As she continued to speak of how she learned to do the things she did now, Cullen watched. Not her hands, but her face. Now that he got a good look at her, there was a...strained look to her face. The circles under her eyes seemed more prominent, and her shoulders didn't have their usual confident arch. Her dark red hair was unkempt as well, and that should've been the first thing he noticed. He knew that while Trevelyan preferred her hair short (he overheard her talking with Vivien) she took good care of it (he often wondered her she got it to look so silky smooth). 

There was something wrong, and though he knew he was the last person anyone should consult their troubles with, he wanted to help her.

So, he opened his mouth in the middle of her talking. "What are you doing out here...Emma?"

She froze. Whether it was because he interrupted her, or his use of her given name for the very first time, he couldn't tell. He _could_ tell she was thinking- deciding whether she should tell him, or rebuff him. He prayed to the Maker she would tell him.

A brittle smile was sent his way over her shoulder. "I'll tell if you tell me why you're here."

There was only a small amount of hesitation when he answered. "I was looking for you."

She blinked. "Me? Why?"

"I thought you...were lost, or something." He saw her brows furrow, and he panicked. Again. "I mean, I couldn't find you in your usual spots, so my mind started spinning the worst case scenarios but luckily I found Leliana and she told me you were fine, however I needed to see for m-myself that your were...fine." _Andraste preserve me, don't say anything else, Rutherford. You'll be making a much larger fool of yourself._ Of course, his body didn't listen. "Now that I do...I don't think you...are."

The frown was gone, and in its place was surprise and... _relief?_ Trevelyan turned back to the ram and silently continued her work. It stayed that way for a few minutes and Cullen was about to excuse himself so he could smash his head against something when she replied. "I'm not. Fine, I mean."

Then she sighed, set her blade down on the stump, and straightened up, silver eyes looking out at the trees around them. "I just...when I said I was thinking, I meant I was thinking about my decisions. I can't do that among all the bustling in Haven. All the eyes and ears...so, here I am." She held her arms out then let the drop back to her sides. Another sigh, this one broken. "I don't know what in Andraste's knickers I'm doing, Cullen. Are the mages the right choice? They rebelled for a reason, so is it wise to go to them for help? Isn't the Templars the more practical solution? But now that I've discovered what Alexius can do, I can't very well leave it alone."

Then her head dropped, her shoulders slumped and her arms wrapped around her midsection. He watched as she folded in on herself, and suddenly, she wasn't the Herald of Andraste, she wasn't Lady Trevelyan. She was just a woman thrown into a situation she had no control over. 

She was just Emma, and Emma asked in a small voice, "What should I do, Cullen? You're my advisor...please, tell me what to do."

There was a change inside of him in the moment. It wasn't big, or explosive. But it was slow and pleasant, one he knew would continue to change him overtime, and in that moment he let himself act on what he felt.

He let himself close the distance between them, let his arms gently pull her into his embrace, and let his heart _feel_. And she let him. She tucked her head under his chin and breathed; deep and calming.

For a moment, they stayed like that, and when he felt it was right, he spoke. "I cannot tell you what to do. It would be unfair of me to sway your decision so, and I wouldn't want to do that. Not to you." He paused, wanting her to soak in his words. "What I can tell you is, no matter your decision, whether I disagree or not, I will be behind you to support it, and in front of you to defend it."

He felt her shudder, and anxiety shot through him. Did he overstep the boundaries, he wondered. But then her arms went up and around his neck, and she gently squeezed.

"Thank you."

_Apparently not._

"You're welcome, Emma."

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! We're getting somewhere!!


End file.
